Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Free Write

There is a way of writing where you just write every thought that comes into your head. Im feeling a lot right now but cant seem to find the words to describe everything Im thinking. So Im going to free write. Kinda risky to free write and then post it- but Im up for the adventure.

I'm listening to my favorite song right now by Sting, "When We Dance". There is something magical to me about the way he describes his love for this mystery woman. "Im gonna find a place to live- give you all Ive got to give. I will love you more than life if you will only be my wife." I am so thankful for those people in the world like Sting who can find the words to express the feelings that words seem to belittle. I have never been
blessed with the right words at the right time. I think that will be a magical day, when I can have an overwhelming feeling of love for someone and be able to find the words to express my love to them.
I feel so strange being caught up in so many emotions for so many guys in my life. I wish it wasnt so complicated. There are so many levels of love. I dont think love is cut and dry- either you love someone or you dont. In other languages, there are different words for love that describe the kind of love you have someone. Some mean love as a friend. Some mean love as an acquaintance. Some mean I really like you. Some mean Im intrigued with you- lets see where this goes. Some mean I want to wake up to you everyday f
or the rest of my life. Why is it that we only have one word for love?
I find myself caught in yet another love triangle, square, pentagon (based on players involved) and I wish there was an easy way to sort out my feelings. But the truth is everyday at different parts of the day, I feel a different way. There are even times when I've thought Ive made my mind up about this one guy- he is the one. Only to hours later think- naw Im not ready for that kind of commitment yet. Does that mean something is wrong with me? Do other people ever think that way? Maybe Im messed up.
Why does it seem to be the hardest thing in the world
to fall in love? I want someone to write songs for me like Sting wrote. "If he loved you, like I love you, I would walk away in shame. Id move town, Id change my name. When he watches you, when he comes to buy your soul. On your hand is golden rings like he owns a bird that sings. When we dance, angels will run and hide their wings. You're my priestess, my soul salvation. It is in the ballad of the angels. Im underneath the wheels of passion. I keep my faith in your passion. Im gonna love you night and day, Im gonna try in every way. Im gonna find a place to live, give you all I got to give. He wont love you, like I love you. He wont care for you this way. He will mistreat you if you stay. Come on live with me, we'll have children of our own. I would love you more that life, if you'd only be my wife. " I wonder what that kind of life is like. I think I got a taste of it, but what an amazing
thing if you were one of the select few people on this Earth to experience a love like that. I think that is what I want more than anything.

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