I wake. My first thoughts are of you. Even my subconscious mind can't keep from indulging in poison.
I shouldn't be surprised my stomach is a black hole. It was once filled with the most exhilarating butterflies. Easy to leave a void.
I carry on. I move. Faking a smile. Fighting tears every time a memory cripples me.
You always could tell my real ones from the fake. It let me give up all the things I used to hide behind it for a while. But then even you didn't like what you saw.
I try anything to escape. But your ghosts likes to haunt me; fishing around the river bend, swimming in the hot tub, holding me in my bed, holding my hand in the theater, kissing my neck, touching my skin.
Situations the same. The players have warped.
I ache as I realize my mistakes. I wish I could change all the things Im so powerless over.
So many lessons learned. My silence would have spoken truth.
Illusions are dangerous people; they have no flaws.
Funny how my doubts have become my best memories of you.
You became your broken promises. Your truths make you a liar in the world you created around me.
The man I love doesn't exist. Never did. We both were just as infatuated with him.
Then again the girl that loved him doesn't either.
I was lost in the depths when your mouth no longer offered air.
I'm left gasping every time I get a call and it's not from you. When a day passes void of you. When she gets to feel your warmth as I'm laying shamed and naked alone.
Soon I'll be able to rid myself of the poison. Maybe then I'll stop killing pieces of myself.
Maybe then I will remember how to breathe.