Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Soren Kierkegaard

My crush of the week is Soren Kierkegaard. He is a father of existentialism. His writings are filled with ironies as he challenged the philosophers prior. His focus was on the existence of man. To be a person is to be an ongoing event. He was very personable and well liked in society, but he felt disconnected and alone. The way he got rid of this melancholic feeling was by committing himself entirely to God. This also resulted in him breaking off his engagement.

"Kierkegaard claimed he wanted to force Regine away from him, so she would marry another man. It is possible he did not think himself worthy. It is also possible he did not want to deal with the emotions associated with romance. Regardless, he tried to be “indifferent” and drive Regine out of his life. In later years, Kierkegaard called his destruction of the relationship a “self-inflicted wound” that caused him a great deal of misery. If he cared for Regine, as many believe Kierkegaard did, his need to avoid a relationship is not easily understood by most people."

Soren spent the rest of his life and his writings convincing himself that he had done the right thing. Regine married a Danish Sea Captain and moved in Brazil. When Soren died, he left all of his writings and property to her- hoping that through his writings he would somehow understand why he pushed her away. He felt marrying her would be unfair, as she would always be in his shadow. He loved her so much he tried to force her to live the life he knew would make her more happy. He never married. When Regine's husband died, she moved back to Denmark and spent the rest of her life going through his writings and trying to get him recognized as a national treasure. True love never dies.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Broken Social Scene

The album I have been in love with lately is the self titled Broken Social Scene!! LISTEN!

My favorites are 7/4 Shoreline, Swimmers, Hotel, and Superconnected. Check check check it out!

Sunday Funday

I went up to Oktoberfest with my friends Shawn and Devon today. It was funny to see their interpretation of the Bavarian culture. Then I had a really good talk with Shawn-- we decided to put the past in the past and start over....

After I made us dinner and then we went for a bike ride on my favorite road- it is an abandoned road in north provo. I think I am going to film my first short story there... so there is a clip of Shawn and I crusin on it.

Afterwards we stopped by Devon's family's house. It was so nice to talk with his family and see all the little kids. I want that all someday so bad- a beautiful home, husband, family, children, and grandkids. Devon's mother is an amazing homemaker, I hope to be like her someday. She made a killer apple pie!!!! Then we rode back to Shawn's house and called it a night. It was a perfect Autumn day. Everything I needed. Family, friends, nature, love, bikeride, beautiful day, favorite part of town, apple pie, and halloween decor.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010


I had a really meaningful interaction tonight.

This afternoon I was wasting time: went to the Orem Public Library, Borders, and drove, and then I was supposed to go to the State Hospital to volunteer. I really wanted to go to a movie, but decided that I would volunteer... Im so glad I did.

It was Western Night at the hospital so we had a whole assortment of games for the patients: snake in boots, slingshots, making leather bracelets, and making crafts. I was working the craft table because I am still not feeling very well after the surgery on Friday. I was just making these little leather coin purses and one of the lady patients came up and sat down. At first I noticed all the nacho cheese all over her face and honestly was kinda grossed out so I went to get her some napkins. When I came back I helped her clean up, then taught her how to make a leather coin purse. She asked me what I was going to school for and I told her to be a physician assistant and the conversation took off when she told me her son also wanted to be a PA. She told me all about her 17 year old son that goes to Timpanogos High School and how she is so proud of him. He volunteers at Timpanogos ER, runs cross country, and just got done with his eagle scout. She also has a daughter that loves art and is really talented at dancing.

I dont know what it was about the simple hour conversation but I felt like I hadn't had such a REAL conversation with someone in so long. She told me about her hopes and fears for her children. She told me about her ex-husband. She told me about how she used to shop at Nordstrom and she bought this $100 wallet that she loved using in the Summers. She told me she hopes she can get better so she can move into an assisted living home and be close to her children. We laughed and joked and connected. I made a friend today. I am more proud of that than anything I have done in a long time.

It is true that you find yourself when you loose yourself in service. How grateful I am that for an hour I could be an instrument in God's hands to bring happiness and friendship to one of his daughters. But Im still not sure if it wasn't the other way around... God knows how lonely I am and I gained so much from her.

I was in so much pain because of my teeth, but it somehow didn't matter. All that I cared about was her. I wanted her children to succeed as much as she did. I wanted her to get better so she could progress. I prayed for her when I left. I forgot what that was like- to love so purely- be filled with so much charity.

I'm grateful. I'm loved. I'm not alone. I'm going to be ok.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Hocus Pocus

It's that time of year again!!!!! Im so excited. I decorated my balcony with witches, cobwebs, and spiders :) One of my FAVORITE halloween movies of all time is HOCUS POCUS. If you havent seen it, drop everything and go go go see it!