Monday, January 31, 2011

A few of my Favorite Things

Ancient Greece and a Harvest moon. A connection to the past
Courage to stand up for what you believe in.
Beautiful, messy, less than perfect hair
Nike- my favorite sculpture. Goddess of Victory
Beautiful HOME in the woods- lots of windows, lots of open air, lots of SPACE

Saturday, January 29, 2011

A farewell

Death is a strange thing. Strang for me, as I don't like change. I am lucky that I haven't had many people close to me pass away, but is that really luck? I feel at a disadvantage, ill equipt, for I don't know what to do with this dark feeling; this uncomfortable demon called loss.
I ache for all that was lost. The wife who lost her companion. All he will never do. The child who will grow up without a father.
This really hits home. Maybe because I spoke with him, sat next to him, looked at him only two days ago. But really, it's deeper than that. It's the understanding of his dark place, the understanding that few know, and honestly I hope they never have to. The guilt for knowing and being unable to help, for I only have enough strength for me right now. The guilt for finding in myself that strength that not many of us in that dark pit can find. The guilt for feeling grateful that I could.
How can I face her? The understanding between us is too thick. I fear for her. This is one of those wounds of life that burnt so deep, it will never fully heal for her. Tragedy of life.
I can't help but feel dark, taunted by my own past demons. Mocking me. The weight of my nausea is unforgiving. It is difficult not to let those dark thoughts of poison in, for they spred. But I am strong today. Guilt or no guilt, I am grateful.
Remember the fragility of life. We never know when we may see someone for the last time. May we all treat those we love with the gentle affection we all need, every opportunity we get.

Goodbye Branden. May the world you are in now bring you the peace you couldn't find here.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Waiting for mine....

The Only Exception - Paramore from Sarah Portner on Vimeo.

I had sworn to myself that Im content with lonliness
because none of it was worth the risk.

Leave me with some proof this is not a dream

Mumford and Sons

Ahhhh go and buy this album! It makes you wanna stand up and sing with them. All about recognizing mistakes and making changes for the better. I love their indie, upbeat, bluegrass sound.

It's empty in the valley of your heart
The sun, it rises slowly as you walk
Away from all the fears
And all the faults you've left behind

The harvest left no food for you to eat
You cannibal, you meat-eater, you see
But I have seen the same
I know the shame in your defeat

But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

Cause I have other things to fill my time
You take what is yours and I'll take mine
Now let me at the truth
Which will refresh my broken mind

So tie me to a post and block my ears
I can see widows and orphans through my tears
I know my call despite my faults
And despite my growing fears

But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

So come out of your cave walking on your hands
And see the world hanging upside down
You can understand dependence
When you know the maker's hand

So make your siren's call
And sing all you want
I will not hear what you have to say

Cause I need freedom now
And I need to know how
To live my life as it's meant to be

And I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

Getting lost.... with you

Places I want to get lost and forget about the world with someone. It amazes me how love turns the most ordinary, regularly forgetable places into small bits of heaven when they are shared. We all have little places that bring back memories love transformed for us.Sitting on the porch on a warm Spring morning, cuddling, drinking tea.
Making a love shack :) only a love fort outside on a warm summer night
On a lake, being rowed to a place that is just ours, listening to the movement of the paddle resisting the water in a soothing rhythm.
Making eachother laugh next to the sea.
Wandering through the dawn, chasing the sun, feeling the cool grass beneath our feet.

Vintage Beauty Update

Going to Nordstrom today to get my Spring make-over and wanted to get inspired by my favorite women- I love love love doing braids in my hair- I need to buy some ribbons

Oh yeah, just really make that thing pouff.

It was not your fault, but mine

Wednesday, January 26, 2011


If you're not marveling, you're not seeing.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

My lips

Jumping- free falling- loving

My lips feel different today.
Like coming home after a long leave of absense.
They feel full of life.
Lucky they were given the chance to say the things
that shouldn't have gone unsaid.
Lucky you were willing to listen.
Lucky you didn't judge.
Lucky they found you.

Too often in our lives we dont say the things we should.
But what if today was our last chance?
That is how I am choosing to live my life.
Say the things that shouldn't be left unsaid.
Beautiful lips are lips that speak kind, honest words.
It takes humility. It takes strength.
What a reward they were given for finding that courage.

They naturally curve upwards like they used to.
Doing so, in such ease, it's like they never knew any different.
They are lovely. They are full. They are honest. They are happy.
They are more beautiful than they have ever been.
Then again, you always seem to leave me that way.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Monday, January 17, 2011

Today Was a GOOD day!

poor Chris got a blackeye from a fall... hahahaha

I had so much fun today! Chris and I went snowboarding up at the Canyons- quite the resort! I got my toe side turns down and I was curving my little ass down the mountain! I was so proud. The sun kept peaking out behind the peaks and it was gorgeous!
Then I came home and watched some GLEE while I rearranged my room. Then I took ZUMBA with Melissa. If you haven't ever taken a Zumba class- DO IT. Best aerobic class you will ever take.
I am honestly loving being single. The freedom is wonderful. My life is stress-free and I am enjoying it all. Celine and I have really bonded and we just laugh and laugh and laugh. We have been staying up til like 3 every night and I wake up at 7... so needless to say, we both got a little sick :) ha worth it. Man, I love college.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Bust your Windows

Do you deserve me?

"I’m selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I’m out of control, and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best."
~Marilyn Monroe

I know who I am.
I am a little bitchy and sometimes I dont have the energy to pretend that I care.
When Im tired I can be awful.
I often would rather be alone than feel like I have to entertain.
I am headstrong, but I'm learning to ask for help.
I like to think I'm low maintenance, but truth is, my past has made me feel insecure in love.
I know I don't make it easy to love me, but whoever is strong enough to break down my walls will be lucky.
I have so much love to give to someone.
I am extremely loyal.
I will be the best wife and mother.
Yes, I went through the worst year of my life, but life isnt meant to be easy.
Life is meant to challenge us.
If we are never challenged, we never grow.
Who wants to be stagnant?
I am proud of the woman all of my trials have made me become.
They have instilled in me that I want to be with someone who isn't a quitter because Im not.
I want someone strong enough to hold on, like I am.
My momma always told me that I am a lot to handle, but whoever holds on will be the most blessed man ever.
I would rather have the best of the best times and have some hard times than just float in a mediocre relationship.

When it is good, it is the best. And my best is the best you'll ever have.

Gift of Sight

I woke this morning with an overwhelming sense of gratitude for everything in my life- especially the gift of sight. How beautiful this world we live in! The richness of the colors and textures surrounding me, makes me so humble. I cannot doubt that Heavenly Father loves us when I see so many amazing sights.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Glitter Nails!

So the best thing that has happened to my nails so far this year is the new O.P.I. Burlesque nail polish collection! Freaking amazing... I love the glitter nail look.