(765): We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
(917): They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
(519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
(757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
(915): I told you I was good to drive (1-915): dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
(219): rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
(410): so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
(850): Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave? (850): I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
(416): you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
(+61): yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.